71b8cef34361c4dbe79f34b8e860a7de3665eda62d3d042976
We hear about siblings claiming their parents have a favorite child. But what happens when a child has a favorite parent?How does my son's intense attachment make me feel? Loved and flattered, of course. But also exhausted. I can feel the crushing weight of his expectations, my total lack of freedom that comes with his need for my undivided attention. Then there's my husband's feelings. I'm lucky on that front. My husband's patience is admirable. He is very understanding about this stage of our son's life; he knows that eventually our son's world view will change.
My little guy's entree into our family has also affected my daughter. There has been a shift in my relationship with her. It used to be that I was her world, too. She was almost as mommy-centric as my son is now. Once he came into the world, he took over with such force that she was cast out of that role overnight. She was six at the time, so she had enjoyed a long reign, but the change was swift and permanent, my guilt palpable.
But there's something more.
I am grateful that my daughter has found someone in this world who understands her so well. It's great that she feels comfortable sharing her thoughts and feelings with her dad. It seems so rare that a father is able to relate to his daughter on such an emotional level. What a lucky thing for her to grow up with that solid presence by her side.
This is not to say that I've given up being close with her myself. I want more than anything to be her best friend! I long to be the person she comes to when she argues with a friend, the shoulder she cries on the first time someone breaks her heart. I feel a surge of ugly jealousy when she has lengthy conversations with my husband about her day at school. She and I talk about her day, too, but somehow she seems to delve deeper when she talks to him.
Time will likely change the dynamics in our family again and again. That's the nature of things: they change. Still, it's possible that my daughter has found a connection with her father that she and I may not achieve. Our personalities may just be too disparate for her to feel comfortable coming to me. The thought frightens and saddens me, at the same time, I'm so happy for her that she has him. So many girls grow up looking for love from the daddy who was never there for them. That will never be my daughter's fate.